The Digression must go on. Or is it…the show? In any case, it’s time to meet…

…Judy. Doesn’t she look cute and cuddly? Well, there’s at least one person who would definitely disagree with that…

…Harriette Denshaw, shown here with her favorite creepy dolls. Why do I say that?

We’ve seen this before…children climbing into the bear’s turf. But this is fascinating because the girl climbed over a spiked iron guard.

She can’t remember?

So she remembers now. If Harriett and Anna just stayed at the monkey cage, all would have been well. But what about the parents? Were they aware that the two girls walked off? No, they weren’t. How entertaining were these monkeys? All they do is throw poo at you. Did they explain the dangers of the bears and that there was a guard rail for a reason? Well, it’s back to the monkey cage for now on. And one look at Judy suggests that we question whether she should be in a park at all. Apparently, Punch remained uninvolved. It does remind one of…

The real Punch and Judy, who tussle with a snake instead of a bear. Who could forget the controversial…

…Johnny Longo, the kid with a really cool name. But he looks a tad bit grumpy in his photo. Whatever for?

So Susie is a bit like Judy when it comes to temper. Why look at squirrels and pigeons when you could look at Susie the bear?

This is Susie the bear, demonstrating how she grabbed Johnny Longo. Don’t you just love how secure her cage is? Yes, those are peanuts, the picture on the right shows Susie reaching out of her damaged cage to attack children? No, she’s trying to reach the peanuts lying on the ground in front of her.

No, Susie did not attack Johnny’s babysitter. The word…sitter…is another way of saying…ass. Ok, that’s the most we need to know. Now let’s violate the TMI rule…

Really? If it missed his rectum, do we really need to know? Actually, being bit on the rectum by a bear would probably be somewhat life-altering. But how does a bear bite you on the sitter? Whose fault is this really?

I have to ask…how do you back up into a bear? Now let’s let mom say something stupid…

Of course, the bear shouldn’t have behaved like a bear. Life is never fair. Still, a final word from Johnny Ringo…wait, I mean…Johnny Longo…

Where’s that damn bear?

And if you don’t like how this is written, then you can…bite my sitter!

Did you know that bears like salad? Dickie Decord knows…

Ah, yes…a dandelion salad…I wonder if it’s high in fiber. Time and time again it’s people, not bears, who are to blame for these incidents. And what an unfortunate name. Back to stupid…

Yes, Donald Triggs. This kid likes to live dangerously. He was almost killed by a truck, and then later, gets attacked by a bear. He definitely won’t be picking my lottery numbers. Wait, considering his ability to survive, and seeing him as more lucky than less lucky, maybe I should. But it will come as no surprise, seeing that Donald is none too bright…

So it was actually the case that Donald hit the truck, not that the truck hit him. Let’s hear what Mom has to say…

I never thought of warning my kids about how dangerous bears be? You could rattle off a good warning in under 30 seconds. It should be obvious that you don’t clamber over the fence. But Donald isn’t the only one who dances with death. He had little brother named…Gregory.

Can you imagine being in your room and looking up to see half the ceiling falling on you? A few more details…

Maybe there were banana peels lying on the ground instead of peanuts. And it’s too bad about his shoe, and I’ll assume that by…stocking…they mean…socks.

And now for story that must be true since I doubt anyone is creative enough to make it up…

So the bear was used to walking over to the bar, sitting on a bar stool, and ordering a large Pepsi. And this event certainly makes a point about substance abuse. It may well be that what put the bear over the top was too much caffeine. What does a baby bear order at the bar? A cub soda. That said, are there bears who aren’t teetotalers?

So, bears like Irish whiskey, rye, bourbon, scotch whiskey, and rum. I never knew that bears were such hard drinkers.

Ok, Johnny Longo’s mother said something stupid, we all saw that. But let’s a mother try to outdo Mrs. Longo. Whose mother? Oh, yes…the mother of…

…Barbara Coates.

We were never warned about the danger of bears. Really? You didn’t know? Sounds more like a stupid basis for a lawsuit. They are wild animals? Oh, I didn’t know that. They cannot be trusted? I’ll have to stop feeding the grizzly bear Darla brought home from her camping trip. I have no issues with intensifying warnings, though this seems like something everyone should know already.

I heard a bear sniffing at the back of the tent but we never paid any attention to the bears in the park. Let that sink in. And, for some reason, Butts makes me think of Johnny Longo. And I don’t understand why both kids were in the same sleeping bag. Couldn’t we splurge and buy another one?

This is where they were fishing…

And this is the bear that was killed there…

More details…

The bear hid (buried) what was left of the boys…bears actually do this to mask the smell of their prey from other predators. Why did the bear attack? I would offer a different theory than…surplus-killing…

Bears are lovers of fish, and it could be that the bear viewed this creek to belong to him, as a food source. And when he saw the boys, he attacked them to maintain his ownership of the creek.

As far as this case goes, let’s get a truly mindboggling explanation for what has caused the problem between humans and bears…

Yes, TV has been blamed for many things, but this is the first time I’ve ever heard TV blame for the bear-human dynamic. I guess the fault lies with Yogi Bear. And I wonder…is Boo-Boo Bear an accomplice?

It would seem that he is.

So there wasn’t much joy at Joyland that day. PLEASE FEED THE BEARS! I think that’s what the signs say. But was the bear already in a bad mood?

The bear had been teased a short time before by some children who thrust sticks at him and was in an ugly mood when the McMillan boy, with good intentions, offered him a peanut.

 Ok, something bad is happening at resorts promising joy and happiness. Perhaps we’ll be safer with a little misery.

That’ll work too.

I feel I must discuss another case, since it is very disturbing. And not just the fact that a child was killed. Also, it is interesting at the same time given people’s reaction to how the incident played out.

 Yes, eleven-year-old Juan Perez…

So Juan was certainly not a bright kid. He broke into the zoo after it was. He entered the bear cage and beginning in the bears’ pond. Then he decided to throw sticks and bottles at them. And it would seem that the swimming intention was…skinny dipping in the bears’ pool. Then, after all stripped of ftheir clothes, Juan threw them into the the bear cage. So did the two other boys run home naked? And how tragic it was that the other two boys ran past a policeman without telling him what was happening.

Yes, bears will be bears. And I have to agree that the animals should not have been killed. Personally, I think that bears are shot after an attack out of a desire for revenge. But now for the truly disturbing…

…enter the Rev. Raymond Guthrie, who made a rather disgusting claim…

Disgusting, indeed. To save Juan’s soul, God made him enter a bear enclosure and throw bottles at two polar bears. God then arranged for the bears to tear him apart and eat him. And all because Juan had behavioral issues.

Introducing…

…eight-year-old Priscilla Brown, with her father, C.D. Chuck Brown, standing beside the cage containing a very naughty bear.

Her father was the zookeeper? I would think that he knew how to do this safely. And how awful was it that Harold Laughlin laughed at the whole thing? Of course…

It makes one wonder what exactly Priscilla did to make that bear so angry. But more details…

Yes, the bear’s name was…Toffee.

I agree that it strange that the bear gave no thought to Prissy’s father.

Impressive! I shut the closet door on my hand the other day and cried like a baby.

But accidents with zoo bears do not only happen in the US and Japan. They also happen in…

…Australia. Dorothy’s fortunate that her dress was only torn. Juan Perez and his two friends appear to have ended up naked.

And now for a reversal of what we’re used to seeing…

The child saves the zookeeper! And you would think that a zookeeper would have enough sense to avoid being attacked in the first place. And here’s the hero of the day…

Samuel Froedge the rescuer of zookeepers. Actually, he seems to have become a station electrician at the Northern Indiana Public Service Company. So McCord went into the cage to remove old food, and then almost became new food. But Randall was a cool customer…

 “I looked at that cage later and asked myself, ‘You mean you went in there after that bear?’ I guess I was too excited when it happened to realize what I was doing.”

In the story, the zookeeper says, “I’d probably be in the morgue if it hadn’t been for you.”

And one could say that feeding a bear is stupid enough, but above all else, don’t try to take food from a bear.

Bears don’t always attack people. Such was the case with a female polar bear named…Goofus. And how messy romantic relationships can become is clearly demonstrated in this case…

A love triangle? Apparently, John Long was not attracted to Goofus. But she was 10 years older than him, so it’s safe to assume that John Long didn’t like bilfs. He liked them younger…

Frisky Marsha, we all know about her! And while it is true that John Long…didn’t go for Goofus, it would seem, or so the Carpenters sang…

 Not according to the rules,
That you learned in music schools,
But the folks just dance like fools,
They sure go for goofus.

 Or the opposite, it would seem. But lots of icky things smell good to a hungry bear. Just ask the Buttermilk Baby…

That’s right! Nothing smells as yummy as a cheesy foot. The bear could have just had some buttermilk. And as far as the father’s name not being known, if I had been such a blundering idiot, I would keep my name out of the paper as well.

Now for a well-told story about the adventures of George Chapman. I don’t know his age. And I must apologize upfront for the blatant racism in the story…it was 1914, and the story took place in…

…yes, Atlanta.

Yes, there is an eventual wardrobe malfunction involved.

There’s a big difference between a rusty lock and boys leaving the cage open on purpose.

Ah, yes! A story-teller. It turns out that George worked at the zoo, and he was told that the zookeeper didn’t want the bear killed. So he swopes in like a hero.

More…

And so goes the story of George Chapman and Lip the grizzly bear. It seems to me that the police were deadset on killing the bear before the action even began. And bear steaks? So much for Boyd’s concern for the bear.

The next event involves a story so stupid, it must be true.

This is 24-year-old Catherine Searles, daughter of the ultra-rich Henry M. Searles. Although, chronologically speaking, she wasn’t a child. But she does seem to have had the intellect of one.

Yes, let’s have some fun! And at Soc’s and Cony’s expense! A 900-pound polar bear is a monster worthy of a little respect.

If that isn’t fun, I don’t know what is!

Ah, for the love of money!

What do you expect a bear to do when he’s being robbed? And it just goes to show the truth of 1 Timothy 6:10 that…the love of money is the root of all evil.

As if it isn’t clear to all but…everybody, don’t reach into the bear cage. And certainly, don’t steal from him. Poor…

…Ten-year-old Mary Heibner. What did she do?

So out of 60 kids, she was the only to reach her arm into the bear cage. Perhaps she should think about that. Unknown reason? We know the reason, and it’s a stupid one. She wanted to pet the bear. The comparison to the lion-oriented event is unfair. The whole event didn’t even faze…

…our two suspects, who felt the need for a nap. But there was good news about her arm…

That is good news. Now, it seems like the adults would take a good look at themselves and see that the blame pretty much lies with them. But not when money is involved…

Yes, I know we’re talking about a child, but this is not the fault of the city, and it is not the fault of the bear. Converting the 1958 dollars into current day’s value, the amount is $1.7 million.

The city probably settled to be done with the whole affair. In today’s money, the Heibners walked away with $277,750.

I always sympathize with zoo bears. What a cruel way to live! And many bears in zoos are quick to attack if you reach into their cage, no doubt exacting a little revenge. But as is always the case, there are exceptions…

This one is strange indeed.

Yes, everyone deserves a home. Perhaps our bear here would in fact prefer life in a zoo to the dangers of the wild. Oh, btw…I love bears who can speak English! And maybe that the bear, named Bruno, got his way. Children donated nickels and dimes to pay for the acquisition of Bruno…

And some kids wrote letters about Bruno…

It’s always nice to be noticed.

Now that’s cool.

Bears are not the only animals who choose the carefree, lazy life of a zoo…

Ruth and Trillby…

…neither of whom took up knitting. And apparently…

…Miss Sunbeam was glad for the company.

We all know that cigarettes can kill you. But can a cigarette save your life?

Three-year-old Russell VanDam was too young to smoke. But not too young to tussle with a bear…

So next time you feel the need to launch into a tirade against cigarettes, just think of Russell VanDam. And we’ve seen this many times…

Nine-year-old Larry William. Don’t you know it’s rude to stick your tongue out? Well, that’s not the only thing he didn’t know…

Kids, bears, and peanuts don’t mix.

Yes…sugar cubes. So was the bear to blame? No. Was Tomi? Not really. The blame rests with her father, who was content to watch his young daughter feeding sugar cubes to the bear. Was the zoo to blame? I say…no, but a court decided otherwise…

 Mauled Girl Awarded $225,000

A 9‐year‐old Orange County, N.Y., girl whose right arm was bitten off by a bear.at High Point State Park in 1966, received a $225,000 settlement yesterday from the State of New Jersey. It was the first time the state was forced to pay a settlement in a negligence suit.

Tomi Willis, who was 3 years old at the time of the attack, was hospitalized for several months following the mauling.

Harold McGovern, a Newton, N. J., attorney who represented the Willis family in the case heard in Superior Court in Morristown, said the Willis case was precedent setting and had opened the way for other negligence suits against the state. The state will pay the $225,000 within six weeks.

 Those were very expensive sugar cubes.